What does your career involve and how would you describe it?
I am a psychotherapist. My career is really focused on working more with people who have acute trauma and fewer resources. In the last several years, I’ve done more work with couples and families as well. I've really become passionate about relational work, and oftentimes these groups of people have their own trauma. I would say that currently, about half of my clients are relational clients, and half are individual clients. I actually got my master's degree as a marriage and family therapist. I see clients Monday through Wednesday, and then I also teach at Edgewood University. I’m an approved supervisor for marriage and family therapy, so the class I teach is actually group supervision for students who are going through their first year of internship and becoming therapists. On Thursdays, I see all supervision clients, including some of my previous students who have come back to work with me.
What did your path to becoming a therapist look like and how did you find your passion?
I definitely had a very winding path. I left high school being really passionate about art and religion. Those are still big interests of mine, and I’m currently training to be a Zen priest. But I went to one year of college and I realized I really wanted to live in a Buddhist country. I wanted to learn how people actually practice Buddhist values without the kind of infrastructure and wealth that many Americans have. I did an internship in Thailand for 10 weeks. It was a life changing experience for me, and I fell in love with Buddhism even more than before. I didn't have a set major, but I changed to languages and cultures of Asia and religious studies when I transferred to UW-Madison. I studied Buddhism and all of Southeast Asia, and I went back and lived in Thailand for a year to teach environmental education to a bunch of students.
When I came back to the US, I started work as an Americorps member with a nonprofit here in Madison, doing youth work. I worked there for a couple years to support kids in building a foundation. After I left that, I started my own restorative justice program through art and did murals with kids throughout Madison. Eventually I was burnt out, because it was really hard work and I was not making a lot of money. But through that job, I realized that I wanted to keep connecting with people and helping them remove barriers in order to be able to live their life more fully. So, I went back, and when I looked at those different options, I didn't necessarily want to work with couples or families, but the way of looking at a relationship as a system instead of just one person really appealed to me
What are some of the biggest challenges that you work to solve in your career?
With trauma, one of the things that happens is that people have a hard time connecting with themselves or others. It becomes really hard for people to feel safe enough to connect with their world or with themselves. The biggest part of my work that's really challenging, but also incredibly rewarding, is to see people feel safer in their life and their world. Ultimately, the human body and brain works the best when we feel safe and connected with others, even for introverts like me. I don't need a ton of people to be happy, but I still do need people. We all need that connection and that safety to thrive. It’s part of why I love doing the couple's work and the relational work, because then it's not just about building a safe relationship with me in therapy. They actually get to take that home and work on healing.
What are some common misconceptions that people enter therapy sessions with?
A lot of people think that therapy is just talking, and they think that therapists just listen. That is not what we do. Some therapists just listen, but people generally want more engagement. Oftentimes, when somebody's really struggling, people tell them to go to therapy. And it’s important to realize we don't have a magic wand. Therapy absolutely works. It can do wonderful things. But the way it works is not always what people are expecting, and it cannot always be the only solution.
What are some skills that you think are important to develop to be successful in your position?
We have to be adept at tracking how people are doing and reading subtle cues. It’s also important to have a lot of compassion when people are bringing forward issues that they don’t see their own role in. People will come in with an issue, and they can see how the world or other people are at the problem, but they have a hard time seeing how they're a part of the dynamic. And so part of our job is holding a lot of compassion while also having really challenging conversations with people. I'm always teaching new therapists to do that work and make sure they’re not feeling judgmental. If you’re getting really upset, or if you're getting really protective of the person, you need to pull back a little bit. Therapists are always monitoring what's happening to themselves as well as what's happening for your client. At the end of the day, you have to build trust with people. Not everybody loves working with clients who don't trust them, but as a trauma therapist, I actually really gravitate towards that slower process of breaking down walls.
Who are some role models or mentors who have helped shape your success?
My mom and my sister are both people who have shown me how to have integrity and do hard things. Both of them are huge role models in learning how to care about people who are suffering in the world. There’s also the person I work for right now. Her name is Michelle, and she is the owner of the private practice. Before that, we also worked together at a community mental health agency, where she was my supervisor and was hugely formative in my learning. I have huge respect and have learned so much from her in how to have boundaries when we work with trauma.
What is one last piece of advice you would give to people looking to go into professional fields?
In therapy, I think it’s very important to try out your own therapy before you become a therapist. You should get a feel for it and understand what it's like to be in the other chair. This field has a way of bringing up all of our own baggage. You should also learn how to take care of yourself and refuel. Make good routines and stay connected with your people.